HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!

Yep June 9 as it is, Is my birthday, I still wish I can celebrate with you guys on the supporter forums, But honestly, I don't think I'm ever getting supporter ever again lmao, I still wish I wrote that goodbye, That I forgot to do.

Either way, I'm turning 19 And Ummm Yeah, Todays my birthday, I'm not sure if its going to be much of a special day, I feel like it shouldn't much but who knows really, Hell It might be a terrible day, And honestly I fear that might be the case.

But hell, Thank you very much, And happy birthday to me I guess!

Heres my discord incase you want to talk to me and contact me:

CubicallyForNow#4464

Heres my twitter:

https://twitter.com/MaciRollFights

Thank you all

B

Well this bad boy has been taking a break for a reason, I just received my drawing tablet, AND IT IS EFFING gorgeous, Its a Gaomon Pd1161, Has support for pen pressure and so on, This thing is pretty great in its own. I have not tried it much yet, But this has pretty good reviews, So we start off with that.

But this is a huge change for me, I always complained about suffering with drawing with digital, But now I have the right tools for it, And I hope things go fun from there, Because this is amazing. Finally color and less messier lines here I come. Not sure about ditching paper tho we will see about that one.

I won't upload art instantly for now, I feel like I have yet to practice on my drawing tablet, I'm pretty new to this, So may as well get my self prepared.

In the other news. COLLEGE LIFE HERE I COME!

Finally done with my last year of school, As in I graduated, Its time for me to hit the college, Heard I'm going to have much more free time now, But who knows, Glad I can escape the chains of hell that is my school.

If your wondering where I am heading, I'm heading to computer science, And I'll be working on web development and game design. I also signed up for fine arts and concept design for the other 3.

But yeah guess here comes the college life, On october 2 I guess.

One more nes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

June 9 is not that far, So may as well say this that my birthday is near, And I'm turning 19, I'm celebrating with family and a small group of friends of mine, And honestly, I wish I had supporter so I can hangout with you guys too. Honestly may as well hangout in the NG chat atleast in june 9, But yeah I'm turning 19.

Still these are some pretty good news of mine, And damnit, I swear, I'm going to put much more dedication onto my art, Practice more, And mess around more! Thank you all!

But atleast I get to leave with a banger.

Art will be produced....When I have a thing to draw, I really have nothing on my mind right now.

WARNING! VENT AND WHAT NOTS!

So recently my newgrounds supporter has expired. And it isn't like the general where we had the mystery vigilante gifting out free supporters left and right. Pretty sure that person is long gone now.

My supporter is now gone, And I don't think I'll ever have a chance to get it back, Ever.

"But Its only 3$? Why can't you pay 3$?"

Cough Look my financial state is as garbo as it is. I'm only 18 and I live in a not really economically functioning country. Hell my country's economy is really hitting the shitter, Its a long story I tell you.

But why do I care about the supporter and the forums? And why this matters anyways to my profile if I'm here to only post art and content?

Well for starters, I used the community tab not only to communicate, connect, And make friends, But, Also to gather an audience through the general. And again people to help me out along the way. Artist friends again connections and all. It was a good source, Forums are a great place to communicate with others. Unlike social media. And thats what made me stay with newgrounds. Next to my art getting easily recognized here. Its now my staying point too I guess.

But, The place used to help me out alot, While I can still acess the art tab of the community, I still fear in doing so, I know criticisms are meant to help us and what not, But every time I ask a question or get involved in something, I just get kicked back.

I sometimes feel like I don't fit in the art section, I don't fit with the art community, I feel like I suck as an artist, And honestly with how things are going with me and my ipad, Or generally my art tools, I don't feel like I'll ever become a perfect artist in a while. While people out there are making beautiful drawings with their drawing tablets, I'm just stuck here making shoddy stuff with my pen and paper, My ipad, A capacitive pen, And ibis paint x (With terrible meant for anime brushes)

Honestly I Feel like genuine crap when it comes to my drawings. They always look more terrible digitally, I always try to make them look better, But I keep adding sprinkles and expensive gold glitter to basically crap. And I swear the process for doing traditional to digital tracing is pain in the ass, I mean it, I have to constantly tap two lines, In order to achieve the perfect smoothness, Deal with me mixing up layers, Adjust brush sizes only for them to look terrible, Deal with pens again, And other things.

I really find the process in drawing with paper atlaest more fun and enjoyable, Like I feel a certain power of pride because I can easily sketch shades and faces in a smooth confident feel. Where I have to then suffer with my drawing tablet.

I genuinely don't feel like I can make a genuine master piece with my ipad and pen combo, The best I can do is shoddy sketches that won't even look that good.

I mean I don't have much in choice really, Unless I wait for april 20 or something for my tablet to get shipped, I don't even know what to do. How I'm I going to supply you with content, How I'm I going to work with things? All I have been doing recently is taking alot of drawing lessons from places like drawabox, And even having some certain pals help me out. I know it takes patience and all, But sometimes I don't feel like I'm moving. I'm I doing progress or not?

I honestly don't know what to do now, Its been stressing me over a week now, I really just can't handle things right now, I don't know how I can share content with others, How I can take pride, How I am going to work things out with my drawings, How will I deliver my workflow? Should I keep posting crappy pictures of my traditional drawings or should I do something else?

I'm out of my mind believe me on this. Please help me out. Its already bad enough I don't have a place to communicate and make friends with others. And honestly I'm at my limit not in a angry way.

But honestly, The best I can do at this point is practice and practice, As I like to say, Draw till you die, But I matter more on how I can share things with others now. Thats the problem

Love you all, And I hope you all have a good day, I have so much to think off with little help

With peace and love

-DerangedKnite

What do I exactly mean by that? Well I'll try to explain this, Basically I'm having a hard time using something like Ibis paint x, drawing on paper and then tracing it digitally on my ipad, Really, I feel uncomfortable drawing with it at all. And sometimes, I'm really unsatisfied with my drawings. Like somehow end up looking like shoddy deviantart crap for some reason. Like something erks me and tells me this is like, Just not I can't seem to find a non insulting word for it. It just feels so amateurish. Like I did some pretty lazy about most of my drawings. And trust me I'm training hard. And believe me drawings look really good on paper compared to digital. But I get people talking crap mostly because of the camera quality. And its like I can't stress what to do exactly.

Well there is some slight good news but I'm too unsure. I might get a drawing tablet this april. Around april 20. Its going to be a long process but yeah. I was kinda working on the process of that. I chose a gaomon pd 1161 tablet. Since it was cheap like $126 we are talking. (It was on sale btw) anyways again I'm again it far off.

And honestly with ibis paint x. I'm going to be blunt here. I hate it, I hate working with it, And I hate its community. Its soo basic. And it sometimes lags like alot, Its community is full of the most tumblr people possible. And children, Also half of the brushes are always meant to draw anime crap most of the time. And its like, Why bother. There aren't like scott pilgrim brushes Or brushes for mostly cartoon drawings. There isn't enough variety.

While ibis paint x does have the ability to simulate pen pressure. I'm still not satisfied with it. Its pen pressure simulation thing while it works. not too much as I expected. The brushes still feel in the same size. And honestly It might be me. Or it might be my ipad, Or my capacitive pen thats the problem.

Maybe I shouldn't be too harsh on ibis paint x. Actually its good. Yeah. Sorry about that cough.

Anyways, And sketching digitally is hell, Maybe because its one of the few things that needs pen pressure and other magic stylus things, And a much more less smoother screen to achieve that sketch feeling. Maybe. Well I'm getting a drawing tablet either way. Its the time for only for it to come.

As for my drawings, Will I still upload? Maybe. But not much, And expect much more lazier drawings. I'm finding the process to trace things from paper to digital to be kind of a painful non fun process. I take joy drawing things on paper only to suffer with them on digital. And I don't want that. Really. I really just want to do everything on digital and thats all.

So yeah. I really wanted to let this out.

Btw I'm still doing commissions don't worry, I might have to rewrite it tho.

Well I'm starting to get a hang of ibis paint x to be honest, Its like a almost free drawing app that handles things perfectly, It knows its audience, And its made for tracing your drawings on paper and then line arting them digitally, Or better, I have been practicing sketching on my ipad and how to properly do it, So far there are some good results! I'll tell you this. I have been also practicing perspectives to start drawing backgrounds.

Still I have a long way to come when it comes to sketching on my 2015 ipad air, So bare with me on that, An artist drawing on a really outdated device, Imagine that lol. Anyways. Will there be more digital drawings? Maybe, Are they going to be "High quality epic" probs not for now.

But hey I guess its a attempt to walk to a new beginning.

I have been struggling to find a drawing tablet, Ever since the beginning of november to the end of january, I am supposed to broaden my art skills, but no here I am still drawing on paper to this day, Creatively limited once again, And its about time I improvise and I need your help, Recently I resubbed to astropad again, If you don't know astropad its a app that turns your ipad into a drawing tablet, And it does a meh job at it tbh, No pen pressure, But. Its kind of useful, And I have clipstudio to draw with too, So Lets go with what I am planning to do, I can't stand drawing on paper and we all know that, I have been practicing to draw cleaner lines, Confidently too, And I am planning to start inking my drawings

I might start basically taking pictures of said drawings then draw over them in clip studio with my crappy 2015 ipad air, Can it do the magic? Who knows. I tried once and it was a hell experience to color the thing too so I need help on that.

So yeah. What do I exactly do, I don't know but will have to see. Expect my drawings to go digital soon, May still be colorless tho